Members only · Since we all know better
Miata Hate Clan
We do not like the Mazda Miata. We think about it constantly. Every single day. This is a coincidence and we would rather not discuss it.
0 Miatas harmed · 0 planned
The year this started
Chicago Auto Show, February. We have never fully recovered.
Built and sold worldwide
It holds a Guinness world record for it. We filed an objection. It was denied.
Generations — NA, NB, NC, ND
Four separate opportunities to stop. Not one of them taken.
The bylaws
Ratified unanimously. Enforced loosely. Violated constantly.
- IThe Miata is not the answer. It is, at most, a suggestion. A recurring one. That keeps coming up.
- IINo member shall admit, in writing, that the shifter feels good. Verbal admissions at meets are regrettable but forgiven.
- IIIPop-up headlights are a styling gimmick and we are not swayed by them. We will, however, look every single time.
- IVIt is not slow. It is “momentum-based.” This distinction is the entire foundation of our organization.
- VAny member who buys one must inform the club within thirty (30) days. Late disclosure carries no penalty. Several of us were late too.
- VIRival clubs are to be treated with respect. Especially the Boxster people, who are fighting a similar battle down the hall.
- VIIThe club does not actually hate Miatas. This bylaw is classified and must not appear on the website.
The card
Est. of
sound mind
4922 1993 0001 1990
Certified Hater
Your Name Here
Denial since
08 / 26
Actual card is metal · Heavier than strictly necessary
Proof, should anyone ask.
Every Card-Carrying member gets a real one. Milled metal, laser engraved, your name and the date your denial officially began. Fits a wallet. Does not fit into any reasonable explanation of why you have it.
- Your name, permanently
- A member number nobody will verify
- The crest, in full
- Enough weight to make a sound on a bar top
Every month, forever
The merch is real. The perks are real. The grievances are heartfelt and completely unfounded.
Monthly sticker drop
A new design every month, printed on vinyl that outlives the car it goes on. Never the same twice.
Hate Mail
A monthly newsletter of grievances, spot-the-Miata photos submitted by members, and one begrudging compliment we allow ourselves.
The Monthly Grievance
Members vote on the month's official complaint. Past winners: “too easy to park,” “insufficient cupholder,” “makes me happy.”
Shop discount
10% off everything at Jessie's Cars. Yes, including the parts that happen to fit an NA. We checked. Reluctantly.
The group chat
Open 24/7. Mostly people posting listings they are absolutely not going to buy and then buying them.
Meets & drives
Roads picked specifically to prove a point. The point has not yet been proven. We keep going back.
Pick your level of denial
Bystander
$5/ month
You don't own one. You just have opinions.
- Monthly sticker drop
- The Hate Mail newsletter
- Access to the group chat
- Voting rights on the Monthly Grievance
Card-Carrying Hater
$10/ month
The full experience. Includes an actual, physical card.
- Everything in Bystander
- The membership card (metal, heavier than it needs to be)
- Discreet unbranded packaging
- 10% off everything in the Jessie's Cars shop
- Name engraved on the Wall of Denial
Secret Owner
$20/ month
You own one. We know. It's fine. Nobody here is judging you.
- Everything in Card-Carrying Hater
- Enamel pin + embroidered patch
- Annual club tee in a plain envelope
- One (1) pardon, redeemable when caught smiling
- Priority parking at meets, in the back, out of sight
The loudest merch we make, shipped in the quietest box we could find.
Questions we get
Do you actually hate Miatas?
No. Obviously not. Someone spent real hours drawing that logo. Nobody does that out of hate.
Can I join if I own a Miata?
Yes — there's a whole tier for it. Plenty of members own one, plenty never have, and the two groups get along suspiciously well.
Is this a real club or a joke?
Both, and in that order. The merch is real, the card is real, the perks are real. The hatred is entirely fictional and always has been.
What if I drive something else?
Then you are exactly who this is for. Bring it to a meet. Park it next to a Miata. Notice how you feel. Report back honestly.
Can I cancel?
Any time, instantly, no phone call, no retention specialist trying to talk you out of it. We are a satire club, not a gym.
Miata is never the answer.
(It is usually the answer.)
The Miata Hate Clan is a parody car club and a work of affectionate satire. We have nothing but respect for the Miata, the people who build them, and the people who drive them. Not affiliated with, endorsed by, or in any way connected to Mazda.